Have Kids Put Your Relationship on the Back Burner?
Updated: Oct 4, 2019
Yes, of course relationships continue after kids begin arriving, but let’s just say that things … umm; will change. One could argue that change is inevitable, regardless of whether or not children enter the equation. However, kids present certain challenges to the further development and/or maintenance of a romantic partnership. These challenges cannot be fully appreciated (ha ha) until you’re on the battlefield. This is why I get frustrated with childless people who say, ‘well, you chose to have kids’, when I vent about the joys of parenthood.
One moment you’re snuggling together in bed all day, eating takeout and snoozing. You binge on chocolate and mainline Netflix shows. There is no impediment to intimacy. You can repeat the process all weekend … it’s just divine. The next moment you’re scratching your head and looking at this partner in hedonism and wondering how you went from all that fun stuff to becoming business associates running a day care centre. Congratulations; you’re a parent!
All joking aside, in between those moments of exhausted bewilderment, you’ll both look at what has hijacked your bed full of Dorito crumbs and Lindt wrappers, and lovingly marvel at what you’ve created. Such is parenthood; living at emotional extremes day to day, moment to moment. You’ve exchanged weekends lounging in bed for the best hugs in the universe; and it’s every bit worth it. Worth it; yes … easy; no.
My wife and I have often wondered how kids relentlessly try to destroy (albeit unconsciously) the very thing they depend on for their survival. I mean, sure, kids can handle living in a divorce situation, spending weekends with their dad, and the week with their mom; or whatever the arrangement might be. But what they really want is a happy, two-parent household, right? However, with every sleepless night and the exhausting litany of needs, kids unknowingly, innocently, erode the very thing they want.
The above situation is what has led innumerable couples to marriage counselling and/or the divorce courts. So, how do you nurture a healthy, fun relationship with your partner and also raise those kids properly?